Intercultural Love: Meet A German & Chinese Couple

Date Night China recently did a survey with Western Women & Asian Male (WWAM) couples, asking them to share about their relationships, cultural differences, and stereotypes they have faced. 

One of the couples that responded, a German and Chinese couple, has been together for nearly 3.5 years. Alina, from northern Germany, and Lukas, from Cangzhou, Hebei Province, share more with us about their relationship, from how they started dating and what it was like meeting each other's families, to the challenges they have faced as a WWAM couple.

How did you and your partner meet? Who made the first move? 

I was studying in a café and he sat next to me. After 3 or 4 hours he finally (and luckily) decided to talk to me. We stayed friends for a while (half a year!) and when we started to hang out more often, I fell in love with him. 

Have you had any misunderstandings or funny moments happen because of cultural differences? 

Oh so many! Bringing two people together with their own view on the world is difficult enough, but then having two completely different cultural backgrounds makes things even more difficult. Often, we had discussions because of things that seemed to be completely clear for him (for example, that he had to drink with his boss) were not easy for me to understand.

How was it meeting each other's families?

One of the first questions that Chinese friends ask after they learned that my fiancé is Chinese is if my parents know and what they think. For me it’s a little weird to ask this question, because although I hope my family will approve and like my future husband, it is not necessary. I make these decisions on my own. Luckily, my parents really do like my fiancé. They see that he treats me well and makes me happy, so they also support and help us whenever they can. The only thing that might be difficult for my family is that my relationship with a Chinese  man keeps me away from home. 

My fiancés parents were not too pleased at first, but a friend of the family talked to them and luckily, they were very open and welcoming at our first meeting and see me as part of the family now. At the beginning it was difficult to communicate with my parents-in-law, because although I could speak a little Chinese, I didn’t understand much. Now my mother-in-law and I have a very good and close relationship, I often share pictures of our daily life, and we usually visit them maybe every three months.

How do you and your partner primarily communicate? Did you speak Chinese before you started dating? 

When we met, I couldn’t speak hardly any Chinese, so we mostly spoke English. But the conversations were rather slow and not very deep because my fiancé's English is good but not perfect.  Then as we started to hang out more often, I had already started taking Chinese classes and often asked him for help to practice my speaking and listening skills. Now we only speak Chinese. 

Chinese teachers and friends often say my Chinese is so good because I have a Chinese boyfriend. I agree that living with my Chinese boyfriend helped me to practice my pronunciation and that I learned many daily life words that we don’t learn in university. But still, learning Chinese is not easy and I‘m working hard to improve little by little. I would be very happy if one day I could chat with my parents-i-law and their friends (who all have a rather strong accent) without being too nervous and having to ask a thousand times what they meant. 😅 

What kind of stereotypes or difficulties have you faced in a WWAM relationship? 

One of our difficulties definitely is the culture difference. Sometimes it can be very difficult to understand how the other person is thinking. For example, I don’t quite understand the Chinese work mentality that I experience through my fiancé. Sometimes when we are having dinner he suddenly has to do some research for his boss or he has to answer messages immediately, although it isn’t during his working hours. That is very different in Germany, so I find this way of thinking a little foreign. 

We have gotten a lot better at our culture difficulties over the years. I think the most important thing is to understand why it is a problem for the other person and trying to find solutions together. Do not to compare each other’s cultures in a manner of "We are doing it better than you are." It should always be us together against a problem, and not that we are against each other. 

Do you often see other WWAM couples? 

I think it became more common. We are friends with another WWAM couple, but they are separated because of COVID so we can't meet. 

Any advice for others who are dating interculturally or in a WWAM relationship? 

Try to stay as open as possible. Some things that might be "理所当然" (taken for granted) by you, can be really strange for your partner, so the most important thing is so always communicate and explain your feelings and thoughts. 

How can people follow you? 

We started a small account on 小红书 called "仁浩和Alina" where we share some videos about German culture. Later, after we leave China, we might also share more about ourselves, so we welcome everybody to follow us. 

On Instagram we also have an account where we share about daily life in China called @door_to_china. 

Are in you an intercultural relationship? We'd love to hear from you! Take our WWAM survey, or directly contact DNC. 

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